My friend, whom I am going to call Georgia, is a huge sports fan. Recently, while she
was home fighting off the flu, she opened Instagram on her phone and listlessly
scrolled through a sports channel. She saw a photo of a basketball player with
some stats on it and, in trying to pull it up to see the stats, accidentally “liked”
a comment that was alongside the photo. The comment said, “I have a big-ass
booty.”
While Georgia was trying to figure out how to un-like the
comment, she started receiving all manner of, um, interesting replies from men.
She freaked out and called her 20-something son for help.
His first response was, “Mom! What are you even doing on Instagram?” Then, “Why did you
“like” a comment? Stop reading those responses! Get off there right now!”
Georgia kept trying to explain she was just scrolling through a sports channel
and didn’t intend to “like” anything, but he wasn’t having any of it.
Georgia wailed, “Why would someone even post that she has
a big-ass booty?” It turns out, sports figures have groupies who follow them on
social media and make comments designed to draw attention to themselves. Apparently
it works, as Georgia certainly got a lot of attention of her own simply by
liking someone else’s comment.
The attention Georgia got horrified her – both the
comments themselves and the speed with which they appeared. Within 20 minutes
of her accidental “like,” she had pages of responses. Being an LOL and not a
young thing with a big-ass booty, she didn’t even know what some of the
responses meant. “One guy said if I want a real
straight guy, talk to him. What does that even mean? A real straight guy? As opposed to a fake straight guy? Is he gay? I
don’t know what he’s talking about.”
Naturally, Georgia and I could not stop laughing over
this unfortunate incident when she told me about it, and the next day at work I
told a couple of my 30-something coworkers the story. They laughed pretty hard,
too. Then I remembered the “real
straight guy” and asked if they knew what he meant. My coworkers’s eyes grew
large and then they howled with
laughter. They did know. This is not an R-rated blog, so all I’m going to say is,
the key word is “straight” and it has to do with rigidity as well.
Oh, my.
I need to go tell Georgia.