Rants and Raves

Just for grins. J

Rant:

What’s with self-flushing toilets? Self-flushers seem to come in two categories – (1) those that never flush themselves (but no one expects that, so the toilet isn’t ever actually flushed when needed), and (2) those that flush four or five times between the time one walks into the stall and the time one is ready to leave the stall. The self-flushers in the office building where I work are all the overactive variety, and I am neither kidding nor exaggerating when I say that today I made a toilet flush three times in fewer than 60 seconds by walking into a stall to adjust my slip. Argh!

Related Rant:

How about push-button sink faucets? The ones in the bathroom on my floor of the office building also come in two types – (1) those that give the hand-washer a three-second water flow and (2) those that run for 10 minutes. I finally gave up on the faucets on my floor and wandered the building until I found a bathroom with old-fashioned sinks with handles that turn the water on and off.

Sort of Related Rave:

Motion detecting paper towel dispensers. Ahh, just the right amount of paper to dry those hands and I don't have to touch anything except the new piece of paper towel.

Rave:

Nice people. Last week I had to make a trip to Sam’s for the office, but when I returned I found that the office dolly had a flat tire. That meant I had to carry in three cases of water and two cases of soft drinks. I’m a weakling, so I could carry only one case at a time. All five times I staggered up to the building with a case of beverages clamped in my arms, someone rushed to open the doors for me – even though we have one door that will open at the touch of a wheelchair button that I could have (and have done) pushed with my elbow. Three of the people who opened the door for me were actually exiting the building, and all three of them went back inside and pushed the elevator button for me as well. The other two nice people were young men who were walking in when I was; they each not only opened the door and pushed the elevator buttons for me, they also each offered to carry the beverages to my office.

Rant:

Pathological Parkers. A couple Saturdays ago, I went to the post office. I live in a smallish town with a small post office; there are only eight full-sized parking spaces and one itty-bitty one. I had to drive around the block twice before a space was available. This is why:

Rave:

Clever people. It’s so much fun to see something like this on the morning commute:

Or this:

Rant:

Autocorrect. Sometimes Autocorrect can be a Rave, but then this happens:

Rave:

A meme (taken from Single Dad Laughing on Facebook) that sums up my feelings on Autocorrect and makes me laugh every time I see it. Double rave! 

Happy Thursday y'all!! 

The Beauty and the Smart One

Here is a true story. It has spawned many jokes and much hilarity, but this story is 100% true. I promise.

My sister used to have a boyfriend whom I shall call Ron. I’ve made that name up because, well, you’ll see why he would probably not want this story out there with his real name on it.

The back-story you should know is that my sister is extremely smart. I mean, high-IQ-brilliant; she is amazingly intelligent. I’m not an idiot (most of the time), but Susan has me beat by a country mile. She is REALLY smart. She’s also very pretty and always has been pretty.

Ron is also really smart. Mostly.

One day when Susan and Ron were in their early 20s, Susan was at Ron’s apartment and they had an intellectual discussion of some sort. I’m pretty sure she told me back then what the discussion entailed, but that was many years ago and I don’t remember anymore. (I’m not that smart.) The important thing is not what they were discussing, but that it was on the intellectual level of what we used to call Rocket Science. Real brainiac stuff.

So they had this great conversation and later that day, Ron said to Susan, “You know, I am so glad we are together. It is very refreshing to find a girl who can talk about anything, and who understands difficult concepts and has a good brain. I mean, you are just incredibly intelligent!! I love talking with you.”

Susan was, of course, pretty pleased to hear all that.

There was a pause, and then Ron said thoughtfully, “And, of course, you’re also moderately attractive.”

Do you see why “Ron” wouldn’t want his real name attached to this?! Poor, clueless guy! 

Susan took his assessment very calmly and said nothing. When she got home later, she called me and, laughing hysterically, told me this story. Then we both laughed hysterically.

I didn’t think it was fair for her to be brilliant and me (not being brilliant at all) to have no claim to fame, so we agreed that henceforth we would acknowledge Susan as being brilliant and moderately attractive and me as being beautiful and moderately intelligent. We’ve stuck with that agreement ever since.

Since this is such an old in-joke with us, we often bring up our respective moderate-nesses to each other when appropriate (for example, when she’s kicking my behind at Bananagrams™, I’ll say to the other players, “Well, of course Susan’s beating me; she’s brilliant and I’m moderately intelligent.”). We still laugh hysterically. Most of our mutual friends and acquaintances have heard one of us say something to the other about being moderately attractive or moderately intelligent and at their curious looks, we tell them this story. Oh my goodness, the shocked faces!! I cannot tell you how many people have immediately asked if Susan continued to date Ron after that, and have then been horrified to hear that she did, indeed, date him for a pretty long time and that they are still good friends to this day.

Yup, true story.

Here are some photos of beauty and brilliance, together, through the years. I love my brilliant, beautiful sister! 

Carolyn, the Busy Bee

The LOLs don’t get together as often as we used to do or would like to do, but a couple weeks ago, Becky, Carolyn, and I all managed to take time off work (or already be off for Spring Break) on the same day! We met for a couple hours at the local bookstore’s coffee shop to catch up.

Carolyn was the big winner in the completed projects department. Not that we were having a contest or anything, but we do tend to bring completed projects when we get together so we can oooooh and aaaaaah over each other’s work. Becky and I didn't have anything to show, but Carolyn brought four completed projects! Woo hoo!!

I think I’ve mentioned before that Carolyn likes snowmen. She has snowmen stitched and displayed already, but she very recently completed this big project and brought it for us to see:

This is a Lizzie*Kate project called Six Fat Men. It is actually six patterns that can either be stitched individually or combined into one project. Carolyn chose to combine these fellows. Doesn’t the finished piece look great? Carolyn says she calls this project, not Six Fat Men, but Five Fat Men and One Skinny Dude. I think she has a point, don’t you? I think she’s planning to frame these guys, so I hope I’ll remember to show a photo of the project on her wall!

Along with all the talking and laughing, Becky was beading (she makes beautiful one-of-a-kind jewelry; see it at https://www.etsy.com/shop/baubleshandcrafted). I was stitching away on the 12^th – and final, thank goodness! – of a series of Christmas ornaments. Carolyn was working on “finishing” some of her stitched pieces into their final decorative selves. I am in awe that she can do her own finishing, and everything looks great. I have tried to finish my own ornaments and make a box or two, but all I ever ended up with was a tear-stained face, a sky-high frustration level, and a mess. Lisa now finishes stitching projects professionally (see some of her finishes on the Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/scissortailstitches/?fref=ts), but back in the day when she was an amateur (haha!), she would always offer to help me make my ornaments or boxes. Sadly, I was so hopelessly inept that she would get as stressed out as I was just from watching me struggle, and would end up doing all the work for me. That was just too embarrassing so I finally quit trying. Now I go straight to Lisa with my finishing needs, and it's a total win-win. 

Carolyn, however, is made of much sterner and more talented stuff than I and does her own finishing. She completed the Ho Ho Ho box at the coffee shop and ornaments at home later that day. I’m so impressed! Don't they look great?!

Hey! They gave Lisa the finger!

I’ve mentioned before that the LOLs go to cross-stitching retreats. The retreats are always a hoot, and not just because of the cool stuff the shop(s) provide. Somehow, we LOLs seem to make our own hilarity, and not always on purpose.

Here’s an example. One time we went to a retreat where the shop holding the event had some cross-stitch designers come in to tell us about themselves, give us tips and pointers, etc. It was a really cool event, and we loved the designers. They were extremely personable – hilarious and friendly. They also gave us free stuff, projects as well as other things.

I think the retreat was in late summer, so the next big holiday on the calendar was Halloween. Therefore, the designers (whom I will call The Bees, although that’s nowhere near their real trade name) brought all kinds of Halloweeny stuff for us. When they first arrived, they passed around a big bowl of autumn/Halloween-related trinkets. Every retreat attendee took something from the bowl. I don’t remember what any of the rest of us took, but Lisa took a witch finger. You know what I’m talking about, a green plastic witch finger. We all had them when we were kids – you put it over your own finger. Kids love them.

Okay, so Lisa took a witch finger out of the trinket bowl. That evening back in the hotel room, someone made a comment about The Finger and being our usual over-tired, goofy, giddy, silly selves, we were cracking ourselves up making jokes about how hilarious it was that The Bees Gave Lisa The Finger. (Get it? The Finger? Gave her The Finger?)

We thought it was sooooo hilarious, in fact, that Lisa texted a picture of the green witch finger to her husband and wrote, “The Bees gave me the finger.” Her husband has a great sense of humor, so we were expecting a screamingly funny response. In a way, that’s exactly what we got.

He texted back, “???” Lisa looked at the text, frowned at us, and replied, “They gave me THE FINGER!” We were all looking at each other, wondering why he wasn’t laughing. Then a lightbulb showed up over Amy’s head and she said, “I bet he thinks it’s some kind of stitching tool.”

Sure enough, mere seconds later, Lisa’s phone rang.. Her side of the conversation went something like this:

“A plastic finger. A witch finger.

. . . .

No, it’s not a stitching thing. (hysterical laughter from the LOLs; high-fives to Amy) It’s a kid’s Halloween thing. A witch finger.

. . . .

No, they gave us all Halloween trinkets and I got a finger. Get it? They gave me the finger!”

He didn’t get it. Or maybe he did get it and thought we were nuts. Lisa hung up and said, “Take a picture of me. THIS is what I should have sent him.”

And here’s the picture we took.

He definitely “got it” after she sent the second photo, but I don’t think he thought it was even moderately funny. (As you can tell, he’s a very nice guy, and not anywhere near as rude as we are.)

The next day at the retreat, The Bees were walking around talking to everyone. When they came to our table, we told them how much fun we were having and how great we thought they were, and everyone was laughing and talking and having a high time. Then Lisa told The Bees about trying to make her husband understand our joke about them giving her the finger. They laughed. Then one of us said something about posting the second photo with the caption “The Bees gave Lisa the finger” on Facebook. The Bees looked stricken and one of them said, “Please don’t put that on the Internet! We don’t want anyone to think we gave you the finger!”

We saw their point. That doesn’t sound very good. We didn’t post on Facebook, but I did save the picture. And I can’t help it; every time I start to stitch one of The Bees’s designs, I laugh.

(And, by the way, of all the talented designers we’ve met, The Bees are still my favorites! Sweet, generous ladies, and a LOT of fun!! Their designs are wonderful, too. Too bad I can’t tell you who they are.)