Still Funny After All These Years

Well, it happened again! 

Lorna and I went out for lunch last Saturday -- Thai, yummy! (There's a little place down the street from our neighborhood and I swan, they have the best pineapple curry in the world!) We were just chatting away as we ate, laughing at each other's stories, and generally having a fabulous time catching up since it had been a while since we'd been able to spend any time together what with Covid and us both still working and all.

A man who was seated at the only other occupied table in the place started to leave the restaurant and as he passed by our table (but a good seven socially-distanced feet away from us), he turned toward us and said, "You ladies are having too much fun!" Then his eyes crinkled up like he was smiling behind his mask and he went on out the door.

(No margaritas were involved, so he didn't have to worry that we were unable to safely drive home. Also, he seemed much more nice and much less weird than the other guy.)

It's good to know we've still got it!

LOL!!

Check this out, April 2019 edition: Shiner S'More

Look what I found at Aldi last week:

 

Yes, that is Shiner S’More, a Chocolate and Marshmallow Ale!!

I like Shiner Bock and I am from Texas, so, really, it was pretty much a moral imperative that I give Shiner S’More a try. I got a six pack, which is typically an annual supply of beer for me. I don’t think this will last that long. I’m going to have to share. 

Surprise! The S’More ale is pretty good. The main hitch with S’More is that I’m not particularly into beer in general, so unless it’s blazing hot and I’m out on the lake, I need something appropriate to eat while drinking a beer/ale, and seriously, I have no idea what is appropriate to eat with an ale called S’More! I tried a few snacky items with it, and decided the best of the lot was chocolate cookies. Makes sense, I guess. Maybe I should have gone out and gotten some graham crackers? 

I think the beer would have been fine (better?) by itself if only I liked beer well enough to drink it without food alongside. 

Long after I had finished the beer, I came across some German sandwich cookies (chocolate crème between plain cookies); they probably would have been really good with the S’Mores brew. I’ll try that combo next. Yum!

Oh, yeah, and I love the labeling – did you see the dots on the bottles that say “brewed for happy campers”?! 

Ahhhh, April! Bite Me.

Oh, April! Look at all those people just a-dancin’ with joy over March’s departure. Notice I said, “those people” – I am not a fan of April. April is more annoyance than joyous in my book. To wit:

Taxes. My 2018 total wasn’t as big a deal as 2017, thanks to the recent updates, but I still had to cough up $800 and that's a lot to me. Besides, anything more than they already take away on payday just ticks me off. (Last year, the Feds pried $2,500 from my severely pissed off self; I admit the reduction to “only” $800 was an improvement, but WTH anyway?! I have extra taxes taken out every month and it’s still not enough?!?!! How did my effective tax rate get so high when my salary is so low?!!??!)

Allergies. Oh, yes, Spring is busting out all over . . . .  ugh. I’m allergic to it. Flowers, trees, grass, and all the other green-and-growing things are throwing pollen around like Mardi Gras revelers with bright beads and I’m allergic to the pollen. I’m taking one prescription and one OTC allergy medication plus decongestants along with shots of nasal spray and inhaler hits every day just to breathe in enough oxygen to give me enough energy to sneeze, blow my nose, and wipe my swollen runny/itchy eyes all day long. (Oh, and don’t forget the ibuprofen ruining my liver in aid of dimming the raging sinus headaches.) Just breathing wears me out, never mind trying to do anything else. I’m dead on my feet by late afternoon, and on that rare Saturday when I have nothing urgent to accomplish, I can sleep for 20 hours and still be exhausted because I’m not getting enough oxygen. Oh yeah, there’s a lot of mold flourishing in April, too, and surprise! I’m  allergic to mold, too. Yeehaw.

The daily dressing dilemma. Oh, yes, everyone is thrilled that March is gone, Spring is here, and Winter is over. HA! Two days ago when I was out doing errands it was 88 degrees, yet the current forecast shows a possibility of snow tomorrow. The temp dropped to 59 yesterday with overnight low in the 30s, and is forecast to be colder tonight. Funny, really funny. Ha. Ha. Give me winter anytime. It’s much easier to know how to dress for the day when the temperatures aren’t changing by 20 or more degrees from one day to the next. I much prefer to keep a hat, scarf, and mittens in the car in case of a bitter wind than to deal with a snow boots vs. sandals situation every morning. 

Tornadoes. April can be all about tornadoes around here. We’ve already had at least one tornado watch or warning or something this month. I’m calm about tornadoes in general, and have a (strangely) strong “if I perish, I perish” attitude when there’s one coming right at me, but that doesn’t mean I want them flying around everywhere. I’ve seen the swaths of nothing-but-rubble left after four different tornadoes in four different cities, and that’s four more than I wanted to see. I definitely don’t want to experience a tornado or see another place destroyed. 

Rain. It is not as bad here as it was in Chicagoland (where, I kid you not, it rained the entire month, day and night, and the water in the parking lot at my office building consistently ran more than ankle high), but we get enough to add it to my “April Sucks” list. Oh, yes, I know we need rain and I’m all for a reasonable amount of rain, even occasional drenching rain – at night when I’m at home. All night, every night is okay with me, but I hate when it rains on my daylight parade. Seriously, waterlogged shoes, water inside my purse and/or tote, slick roads, hydroplaning vehicles! Who needs that stuff?! There’s nothing wrong with a good thunderstorm, but let’s do that in the late evening so I can sit by the picture window with a glass of wine or a cup of tea (depending on whether it’s 65 or 35 degrees out there) and watch the storm rock and roll. That's so much more fun than the risk of being struck by lightning while splashing to my car with three soggy bags of groceries on the weekend or after work. 

All right, all right. I admit that April in Oklahoma isn’t all bad. The sun does shine somewhat regularly. April is the last hurrah of anything approaching cool-ish weather before we are catapulted toward the oven that is summer. Sometimes the sky is clear and it’s warm enough to take a walk around the lake or ride a bike after work or on the weekend. I even give two plants a pass – the grape hyacinths and chocolate mint that grow in the bed down the side of my garage. The hyacinths are dainty and pretty and are the first color to show up in my yard; the mint seems to shoot up from zero to a full bed overnight and (right before my eyes start burning) I love the fresh chocolaty/minty scent. And, best April thing of all, I can put my favorite Spring wreath on my front door.

I made this wreath. Crocheted flowers on eyelash yarn = the way to go for me! LOL!!

So, happy almost mid-April, y’all! After the snowstorm tomorrow, put on your flip flops and meet me on the porch. Don’t forget your allergy mask; I’ll bring the wine and antihistamines.

 

Look at that chocolate mint! I swear two days ago, there was no mint, just a half dozen or so hyacinths. Now the hyacinths are fading fast and the mint is taking over the world. It smells sooooo good. 

Yes, We Are That Much Fun!

Georgia and I went out for Mexican food a while back. The restaurant we chose is a local favorite and for good reason. The food was delectable, the service was excellent, and the rocks margarita we split was perfect. Our waiter was a hoot. When he asked us if we wanted separate checks, Georgia and I agreed separate tabs were fine, but we had a moment of bickering over who would pay for the margarita. Our waiter listened to each of us telling him to put the drink on our ticket, then laughed and said, “I am afraid.” Georgia asked, “Did you say you’re afraid? Afraid of us?” He nodded. She gave a delighted grin and said, “I like that! No one’s ever been afraid of me before.” 

We enjoyed the dinner conversation as much as the dinner, and as we always do, we laughed a lot. We weren’t screaming with laughter, but neither were we giggling silently into our napkins. We did not disturb other diners, but Georgia told me some hilarious stories and there were a few times when we quite literally laughed until we cried. I don’t know when I have laughed so hard.

Just after Georgia told a particularly entertaining anecdote, we noticed the couple at the next table looking at us. Intently. Like, staring. The man saw us noticing their stares, caught my eye and asked, quite seriously, “Are you okay to drive home?” 

I looked at Georgia, who looked at me. Then we both looked at the man, with “Huh?” all over our faces. He said, “I have noticed you are laughing a LOT, and you drank that big margarita. Are you okay to drive?”

After a moment of shock, Georgia and I both started stammering that we had split the margarita so I had not drunk much alcohol at all; plus, we went on, we had eaten tortillas and chips and salsa in addition to our meals, and in fact I was stone sober. He appeared unconvinced. We tag-teamed additional information – we always laugh like that when we’re together, and Georgia was telling hilarious stories, and –and – and of course I can drive home safely! I was completely flustered and we were both flummoxed. Who was this guy, and why in the world would he think I had drunk too much to drive? 

At the end of our rambling about my absolute sobriety, the man said to Georgia, “Well, I guess I’ll take your word for it since you are a doctor.” 

His companion looked questioningly at him. He said, “She’s wearing scrubs.” 

Georgia explained she worked in a dentist’s office, and the conversation went haywire from there. The man asked if anyone had ever come to the dental office with teeth so dirty that the hygienist couldn’t clean them in one appointment, and what was the most disgusting thing Georgia had ever seen in the office, and a variety of other repellant questions. Georgia answered politely and in very general terms, while I silently contemplated how much I wanted to brush my teeth immediately. 

Finally, the odious side of dentistry was left behind and we all discussed Mexican food and New Mexican food and Tex-Mex food until the man and his companion at long last departed – after warning me quite loudly that cops often drive by the restaurant looking to catch drunk drivers.

When they were out the door, Georgia turned to me and said, “I thought they were going to move over and sit at our table.”

We still giggle over the man who told me I was drunk. We have decided that surely he never seriously thought I’d had too much to drink, and that, in fact, he and his companion were simply jealous of how much we were enjoying our evening out. We prefer to believe the man started the whole thing about the margarita as a way to join our conversation because he wanted to have as much fun as we were having. Who knew we were so enviable? LOL!


(The photo of Cashmire is just because she's so stinkin' cute.)

Knitting 2018: Quite Large and Itty Bitty

One thing I failed to mention when reviewing 2017 was non-Christmas knitting.  That’s probably because I failed to finish any of my 2017 WIPs (WIP = Work in Progress). I dragged some 2016 projects into 2017, then I began new projects, but I honestly do not remember finishing anything besides the Christmas ornaments. That’s very sad, no? 

Yes. (Sigh.)

I haven’t finished most of the 2016-2017 WIPs yet either. (I think I need to set some goals for 2019.)

However!! In 2017, I began a large-ish throw as a wedding gift. I was lured by the most wonderfully soft yarn EVER. Seriously. It’s a 50/50 superfine alpaca/wool blend, spun into super gorgeous, super chunky, super warm, super soft yarn. Do you get my drift? It’s fabulous yarn. If you want to hunt some down, here's the label:

Seeing that it was such large yarn and to be knitted with such large needles – size 50, 25mm – I thought for sure I’d have the throw knitted, washed, blocked, wrapped, and gifted in a month.

I’m such an optimist.

Or an idiot.

It turns out that knitting with giant yarn on giant needles hurts. It may not hurt everyone, but my hands ached. I could knit three or four rows, max, in one day, and then I needed a couple days to rest my hands before knitting again. And that lovely, soft, alpaca/wool? Hot. I could sit right by the air conditioning vent with a huge fan blowing on me and I would still be blazing hot. Cashmire loves the yarn, too, so she was my lap’s constant companion while I knitted. Of course having a cat on the lap has the same effect as holding a hot stone. I’d knit four rows, at the end of which time I was in dire pain and sweating like a horse!!

To make a long story short (and cut down on the whining), let’s just say I didn’t enjoy the process as much as I had expected and it took waaaaaay longer than it should have done to finish the gift. I did manage to keep Miss Manners off my tail by handing it off to the newlyweds only 364 days after their wedding. 

I was very pleased with the result, which made it oh-so-totally worth the pain and the heat! I felted in the ends; everything’s just so smooth and lovely. And it is soooooooo soft!!

Here’s what it looked like while blocking. That’s a full-sized bed, so I think the throw is large enough to cover a single bed, which I guess makes it more of an afghan than a throw . . . ? Whatever it is, I don’t think Oklahoma gets cold enough that someone won’t be warm while snuggled up underneath this! 

What do you think? 

I gave the guys the throw one night while we were at a small local diner. This is the best photo I could get without disturbing all the other patrons and the wait staff. Look at the size of those stitches! I don't think I'll knit anything that big again, but I am just crazy about the way this project turned out.

(And aren't those two adorable? I love them; they're the best!)

So, that’s the large version of my 2017-2018 knitting. Ready for the tiny version? Sure you are!

A while back, I discovered Anna Hrachovec and MochiMochiLand. (Check it out: https://mochimochiland.com) She designed the spaceship I enjoyed knitting (several times) a few years ago. That was a kind of standard-sized toy made with worsted yarn, but you know how obsessive I can be – once I discovered her designs, I bought kits and patterns and books to make more fun stuff. 

I especially love little things, and her teeny tiny mochimochi are perfect. Naturally, the cat had to be the first itty bitty I made.

Her ears are a little small because I picked up the wrong size needles and her legs are really short ditto, but I think she's cute anyway. She was a hoot to knit, too!

Then I moved on to the most hilarious thing I've ever knit -- a sumo wrestler!!! Here he is with the cat. The nail polish is there to show size. 

In this photo, you can see that Mr. Sumo has a top knot. LOL!!

His bellybutton is supposed to be an "innie" but in the process of weaving in the ends and getting his shape right, I accidentally popped it out. Whoops!

I cannot tell you how much I laughed while knitting this guy! Every little step made me hysterical! The mawashi, the belly, the top knot. I could not stop laughing. This guy was as much fun to make as the Sculpey f-bomb!

Next up, zombie. Another hoot, and he's super-duper tiny!

I popped those three in a wee cosmetic bag and took them everywhere to show to everyone. They were a hit, and I was still laughing every time I saw them. Yay!

While that universal show-and-tell was going on, I tried to knit a ninja. The first one was a fail because as I was trying to knit the final row of decreases, the whole project shot out of my hands, the stitches flew off the needles and my ninja unravelled. Grrrrrr. The next one failed due to a tension error on my part that resulted in a puckered up prune face. Then I made one whose head was at a 90-degree angle to his body. Grrrrrr grrrrrr grrrrrrr grrrrrrr grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! 

I gave the ninja pattern a rest after that, and moved along to this fella:

Cashmire was very kind to let him lie around on her in the same way she has been known to lie around on me. 

Next up, everyone's favorite little critter, a hedgehog!

I don't know how many hedgehog patterns I have for knitting, crocheting, and cross stitching, but I can tell you right now, it will be hard to beat this tiny guy! He is just so stinkin' cute!!

After the successes of gnome and hedgehog, I took a deep cleansing breath and tried another ninja. This one is a surprise for the company IT guy; it will go in the mail this week. I seriously doubt he reads this blog so it's probably safe to show you . . . . TA-DAAAAAA . . . . The Silver Ninja! 

The Silver Ninja is the personification of stealth. He slips into the computer system, then resets passwords and does all kinds of other things without anyone ever seeing him. 

It's now officially Autumn, so I took my three War Eagle Craft Fair pumpkins up to decorate my desk at work. Then I knitted an itty bitty pumpkin to go with them. Then my desk looked like this:

(sorry about the business cards in the background; I didn't even notice them. sigh.)

Then the The Silver Ninja did his sneaking-around thing and next time I looked, my desk looked like this . . . 

and this . . . 

and this.

Every time I turn around, it looks different up there! 

Oh, and do you see the cute drawing of a cat in the background? My coworker's daughter drew that for me. Adorable, huh?!

Happy Fall, y'all!  ;-)

Check this out – September 2018 edition: Blue Bell ice cream

Delicious!

Escort Service

One of the times I was in Wichita Falls last year, I tagged along with a group outing to see a play at Back Door Theatre. We went by private bus, which was pretty cool. It was kind of like a small school bus and a pretty noisy ride, but I really enjoyed it.

My seatmate was a hoot of a woman named Vickie, who was originally from California and had been in Texas only a few years. She and Cindy are friends, and I thought she was probably in her mid-60s, based on what Cindy had mentioned about her. She delivered Meals on Wheels twice a week, took water aerobics three times a week, was heavily involved in all sorts of community activities. Turns out she was in her 80s!! She was a ball of fire!

Anyway, Vickie and I were chatting up a storm (in slightly raised voices to be heard over the conversations around us and the road noise) and covering every topic under the sun when somehow up came the subject of those car “skins” that advertise the owner’s businesses. Vickie said she had been surprised to see a pickup the other day that was advertising, of all things, an escort service. 

An escort service! We looked at one another in awe for just a moment, then began to discuss how weird that is, wondering how much business an escort service got from someone seeing a pickup with a skin, etc. We were laughing pretty hard, too, contemplating an escort service advertising on the side of a pickup.

In a pause in our conversation, the (older) lady in the seat in front of us, turned slightly in her seat to say, “An escort service escorts big vehicles on the highway. They are often used in the oilfields.”

Vickie and I stared at her and then at each other and said, “Ohhhhh.” 

Vickie and I laughed harder than ever to think we’d missed such an obvious explanation. She at least had the excuse of having never been around oilfields. My only excuse is that I’ve been away from Texas for too long.

But seriously, how funny would it be to see a vehicle advertising that other kind of escort service?!