Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey

My friend Mike bought a house earlier this month and a week or so ago he planted a couple hundred dollars’ worth of flowers and shrubs out front. They need to be watered every day in this weather.

Mike went camping this weekend so he asked if I would be out and about today and if so, if I would run by and turn the sprinkler on for 10 minutes to keep his new plants from dying while he was out of town. I was indeed out and about today; in fact, I left my house at 8:30 a.m. and didn’t back to our side of town and over to Mike’s until close to 8:30 p.m.

The flower bed I was watering is just off the porch, the water faucet is just reachable from the porch, and the sprinkler is the kind that makes the pretty arc of water go back and forth. So, I leaned over and I swear to you, I gave that faucet handle just one small turn. A rush of water immediately smacked me right in the face. Yes, the sprinkler was at the point in its cycle to arc my direction, and the half-inch turn I gave the handle was enough to shoot the water five feet across the flower bed. Immediately after blasting me full-face, the sprinkler started the journey to the other side of the flower bed which caused the arc of water to spray onto the porch overhang and then pour straight down onto me. So, my face was blasted again and the overhang ricochet flooded down the back of my shirt. I quickly tried to turn the water off, but alas, I turned the handle the wrong direction so instead of turning the water off I turned it on full blast. Of course, that shot the water violently into the soffit and a lot more water rained down upon me.

At that point I was soaking wet, water was still pouring down my face from my hair and my glasses, and I couldn’t see a thing. I dashed down the driveway to regroup.

Once I was out of the line of fire, I remembered “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey” and realized what I had done, so I waited for the sprinkler to look the other way, ran back and turned the water off, then turned the faucet by the millimeter until the water was watering the plants but not the entire porch and me.

Then I staggered to my car and grabbed my phone to text Mike a stirring description of my experience. Before I could type more than “Well, NUTS!” however, my phone rang and it was Mike on the line.

That’s when the entertainment factor became ridiculous. You see, Mike has Digital Life, so he has motion detectors and cameras everywhere, and the system sends him text messages when he is away. Soooo, as I was returning to my car to text him about my adventure with his sprinkler, Mike received two things from the Digial Life system: (1) an alert that there was motion on his porch and (2) a picture of me running away from the house. I’m not sure he could tell I was all wet in the picture, but he could tell I was running. Of course I was laughing hysterically when I answered the phone and then we were both laughing hysterically when he told me about the picture and I told him how his sprinkler tried to drown me. He said, “You are such a dork” all through my story before saying at the very end, “I love you” in the same tone he uses when someone does something he thinks is incredibly stupid and he says to the person, “You’re so pretty.”

So, here’s my Saturday evening:

I do Mike a favor.

I am drenched by Mike’s crazed sprinkler and sensitive faucet handle.

Mike calls me a dork. (Several times.)

Then Mike calls me, in a very sweet tone and in a very roundabout way, a total idiot.

I laugh my socks off.

Mike laughs his socks off.

I’m pretty sure that after we hung up, Mike told my sad tale of water and woe to his friends and family camping with him and they all laughed their socks off.

Good time had by all.